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Sit or Squat – who gives a crap?

By Timothy Cocks Metaphor and language 17 Aug 2016

who gives a crap1

It’s a hot topic right now Down Under – should one sit or squat while building a log cabin, crimping one off, cutting rope, bombing the porcelain sea, making doodey, dropping a deuce, or shitting bricks?

Luckily, The Conversation has you covered:

What’s the best way to go to the toilet – squatting or sitting?

“The process of passing bowel motions or defaecation is a lot more complicated than you might imagine. 

Experiments have been carried out on the differences between squatting and sitting… The average time for passing a bowel motion during squatting was 51 seconds, compared to the average times for the lower and higher toilet seats: 114 and 130 seconds respectively. Participants found defaecation easier while squatting than when seated.

The benefits of squatting – and harms of sitting – are at times overstated. There’s no firm evidence to suggest, for instance, that squatting can prevent or cure haemorrhoids.

Squatting to go to the toilet isn’t free from risks. It has been shown to induce a small rise in blood pressure in both healthy and hypertensive patients.

Some strokes have been found to occur during squatting and defaecation. But whether the squatting posture during defaecation puts patients at a significantly greater risk of heart disease or stroke remains debatable.”

Who knew letting off a corn rocket, floating the boat, dropping anchor or pinching a loaf was so complicated?

Although I’ve probably squandered the opportunity, if you’re still reading, there’s a slightly more serious point to consider. There is a rich and varied lexicon when it comes to talking about launching a butt shuttle, making a grunt sculpture or releasing the hounds, one that I’ve only scratched the surface of. There are entire websites dedicated to collecting and collating the many different and colourful ways to describe coiling a steamer, launching a torpedo or laying some cable, yet the language we have for pain, another very natural event in our lives, is impoverished and dull. Search the urban dictionary for ‘shit’  and there is a list as long as… (no I won’t) of meanings, uses and contexts. Granted, there’s not always a lot of class, but there is creativity, humour and even, dare I say, some cleverness. Search the UD for ‘pain’ and there is a banal nothingness.

Why is our language dedicated to hurling a turd, loading the crapper or parking your breakfast so much more expansive and splendidly descriptive than the language we have for talking about pain? Just something to ponder when next you are sat upon, or squatting above, the porcelain throne.

-Tim Cocks donate 50% of their profits to help build toilets around the world for people that need them most – so far they’ve donated nearly half a million dollars – check them out.


Last chance to get on an Australian Explain Pain or Graded Motor Imagery Course for 2016

Gold Coast 30 September – 2 October Explain Pain and Graded Motor Imagery (Close to full, remaining tickets selling fast)

Perth 15 – 17 October Explain Pain and Graded Motor Imagery


EP3 events have sold out three years running in Australia, and we are super excited to be bringing this unique format to the United States in late 2016 with Lorimer Moseley, Mark Jensen, David Butler, and few NOI surprises.

EP3 EAST Philadelphia, December 2, 3, 4 2016

EP3 WEST Seattle, December 9, 10, 11 2016

To register your interest, contact NOI USA:

p (610) 664-4465



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  1. Hi Tim,
    Whilst sipping my Rosie Lee, recovery from a Ruby Murray last night and I have to admit I was a little Brahms and List, I have been reflecting on your post. Then I suddenly felt the need for a Forest Gump or as some put it A Ten Ounce Rump. I had to hurry after the Ruby Murray not to Raspberry Tart in public and cause a Pen and Ink with my Horse And Cart. I had to Scapa Flow quite urgently and needed to shift my Plates of Meat other wise it could have gone Pete Tong. Placing my Khyber Pass on the Throne – I prefer to sit so that my Cobblers Awls and Hampton Wick have room to relax- I gritted my Hampstead Heath with a Borassic Lint promising myself never to get Elephants Trunk again. I must admit I did feel a little Ginger Beer waiting for Richard The Third to appear knowing my Khyber Pass would suffer from the Ruby Murray. This is were my research broke down as I could not find an expression for pain!!! Sorry my Old China Plate as I have to go now as the Dog And Bone is ringing and the Trouble and Strife is waiting giving me a Butchers Hook that would kill…..
    DB London
    On location 😏😏😏

    1. Simply. Magnificent.

      Hope your Khyber Pass has recovered!! (Better hope the Trouble and Strife doesn’t read this, especially this close to the big day)

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